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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25182124">Ruler of Everything</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/eruthiel/pseuds/eruthiel'>eruthiel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Columbo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Angst, Episode: s03e02 Any Old Port in a Storm, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:29:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,686</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25182124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/eruthiel/pseuds/eruthiel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Carsini gets out of prison, he tries to meet the man who put him there, but Lieutenant Columbo is hard to find.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ruler of Everything</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Apparently I can only write angsty, dialogue-heavy oneshots where nothing happens and there's no resolution. I hope that's someone's cup of tea!</p><p>Title from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=At8ao5iABFg">"Ruler of Everything" by Tally Hall</a>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Adrian got through prison, and he's going to get through this. The stink of cigarettes and the dark shapes cramped around tables, throwing suspicious glares at him as he looks around, his heart hammering, his hands clammy and cold. It's not pleasant, but he's survived worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes fall on a small, hunched figure at the bar, and his breath catches in his chest. The lopsided curls, the dirty beige coat -- dirtier now than he remembers it. Straight-backed and straight-necked, Adrian moves through the smoky room as if through a dream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stops behind his mark and stands still, unable to speak or move. He's rehearsed this moment thousands of times. Eventually, Columbo happens to glance over his shoulder while searching his pockets for a cigar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Evening," he says with a polite smile, still patting himself down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good -- good evening," says Adrian.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Columbo looks at him quizzically. "Can I help you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adrian nods stiffly and sits down. The barstool squeaks under him. "You probably don't remember me," he says. "It was around fifteen years ago that we met."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Gee, sir, I'm sorry. My memory isn't what it was, and it was never anything to write home about."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adrian grins awkwardly. "I'm sure for you they must all blur together. Murder investigations, I mean. For me, it was rather a momentous occasion."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment Columbo just looks at him, the good eye quite as blank and withholding as the bad one. Then he gives a small nod. "Mister Carsini."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adrian nods back. "Lieutenant Columbo. You are still a lieutenant, are you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am, sir."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adrian gestures to Columbo's glass, which has just an inch of something left in it. "Let me buy you a drink, Lieutenant."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Columbo just keeps watching him, his expression neutral, one hand still in his pocket, the other on the glass. After a long moment, Adrian laughs nervously. "I haven't come to exact my revenge on you for putting me behind bars, you know."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then, if you don't mind my asking, why are you here?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I just want to buy you a drink."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a moment, Columbo obediently drains the last of his beer. He gestures with the empty glass before sliding it across the bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wonderful," says Adrian, allowing himself to relax a little. "Perhaps I'll join you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Adrian goes through the painful process of attracting the bartender's attention, placing an order and paying for it, Columbo sits quietly and offers no support. He finds the cigar he was looking for, hunts down a lighter, uses it, puts it away, and sits there chewing on the lit cigar, waiting for his drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At last Adrian turns back to him, proffering a fresh glass of foamy beer. Columbo accepts it with another polite smile. "Cheers."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ah… cheers." Adrian regards his own glass with trepidation, tries to delay the moment he'll have to sample it. "So…" he ventures, "how have you been?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, y'know. Can't complain."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes…? Family well, I hope?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, yes, all good on that front." Columbo wipes his mouth on his sleeve. "My niece got married in January."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Really! That's nice."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, it was nice, sir, it was very nice. She got her dress caught in the car door and ripped it on her way to the church. So we was all waiting in the church an extra thirty minutes while her old man ran to the shop to find some suitable thread and she sat in the car fixing it up, y'know. We laughed about it after."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well. I'm glad to hear it." Adrian sips his beer and feels himself pull a face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time, a look of genuine amusement crosses Columbo's worn features. "Not to your usual taste, sir, I know."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adrian forces himself to take another sip and says, "Not quite. But of course, it's been many years since I've been able to indulge my 'usual' tastes."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Newly on parole, then?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes. And, well, I don't have anything to come back to. No winery anymore. And Karen stopped writing to me many years ago."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Columbo takes another slug. "I'm sorry to hear that, sir."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well. I can't think of any outcome that would have made me happy, so it's not even worth wishing for things to be different, is it?" No answer. He looks down at his drink in disgust. "This is all there is now. No hope of anything better for me, not anymore."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Columbo blows out a cloud of smoke and shrugs. "I don't mind it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But you were lucky enough to be born to it, you see. For a man of my heritage, who comes up with an appreciation for the finer things… death would almost be preferable."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Columbo sighs. "Then I'm sorry for being so insensitive, sir."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you remember when you used to come to my office? I served you some excellent wines, then."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think I remember."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You said you liked them."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, sir."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Did you really like them?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Columbo shrugs again. "It was a long time ago. If I said I liked them, then I'm sure I liked them very much."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I thought you did. It was very amusing to me at the time." Adrian sighs and drags a hand across his face. "So crude, so ignorant, but so keen to learn… a rough diamond, my little pet project. I thought I might eventually dress you up and smuggle you into a wine fair, like Henry Higgins."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Boy, I'm glad you didn't get the chance to try."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Only the voice might have given you away; I'm no elocution coach. But it would have been fun. Wouldn't you rather be back in the Melisse right now, drinking Ferrier '45 instead of choking back this… this </span>
  <em>
    <span>swill?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's fun to change things up every once in a while, sir, but I wouldn't want to do it every night."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adrian shakes his head. "I thought you were the most transparent man I had ever met. It turned out you were the least."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sir?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was an act. The whole time, you were hiding your real self from me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Into his drink, Columbo mumbles, "I'm an open book, sir. The people I investigate are usually the ones with something to hide, not me." Adrian can only laugh. Columbo squints up at him and says, "D'you think I'm lying to you now?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know," says Adrian. "That's all I can say, I don't know. All I know for sure is that you are not wholly as you seem -- you are not as stupid as you choose to appear." Columbo accepts that with a modest wave of his hand, so Adrian continues. "The question naturally follows: how can I really be sure of anything else? Are you at all humble, at all kind, at all married? Are you half as common as you appear?" Adrian gestures around at the bar. "How deep does the act go, Lieutenant?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is this what you were thinking the whole time you were in prison, Mister Carsini? 'Cause I gotta tell you, you could've spent that time better."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I couldn't help it. It tortured me. It still does." Adrian realises he's starting to lose control, takes a moment, a few deep breaths. "I liked you," he says, more quietly. "I'd never really liked anyone very much before. That was momentous enough. And then to discover that the person I liked was a partial -- perhaps even a total fabrication? A trap laid to fool me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Columbo frowns. "You tracked me down just to accuse me of being a fraud."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adrian spreads his hands pleadingly. "So you deny it?" Still no answer. "That would satisfy me, Lieutenant. Anything would satisfy me. Tell me it's all real, or all lies, or tell me which parts were lies and which parts were real. Whatever it is… I just have to know. That's all."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of speaking, Columbo just sits there, gnawing on his cigar and nursing his drink. Adrian stifles a scream of frustration. "Did your niece really get married in January? Do you even really have a niece?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why is this so important to you, Mister Carsini?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't…" Adrian looks away, defeated. "It would be a comfort to me… I'd like, at least, to know the man who outwitted me." After another long silence, he says, "Do you remember driving me back into town, after you found me on that clifftop by the sea?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I guess so."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And do you remember stopping at the winery on the way? I've replayed it in my mind's eye too many times to count."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hint of a frown flashes across Columbo's face. "I'm not sure. I suppose I remember. But what's your point, sir?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adrian shrugs helplessly. "I always thought… you were very kind to me, at that moment, before you took me to the station. And you didn't need to be. You already had me cornered; there was no reason to maintain the facade any longer, if it was a facade."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Columbo gestures with his glass, which is already more than half-empty. "Well, there you go. I guess it wasn't a facade. Case closed."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His face is inscrutable, all gentle creases and shadows. Adrian stares hard, pushing his nose right up close, but gets nothing back. The policeman leans away and drains the last of his drink. "Well, sir, it's sure been strange to see you again. I'm glad to see you looking so well."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adrian blinks. "You're leaving? But we're not finished here, not nearly!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you very much for the drink, but my wife will be expecting me home for dinner soon, and I'd better not keep h--"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can't go! I said I'm not finished with you!" Adrian snaps, and grabs the sleeve of the battered coat. Columbo doesn't try to pull it free, only stands still, looking down patiently at him. There's a trace of pity in his expression, but no more than that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few seconds of that look is all Adrian can stand before he lets go. He watches as Columbo pushes the coat back, puts his hands in his trouser pockets, and walks away.</span>
</p>
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